


Sam and Max Go to the Moon to get Burgers.

by BeanBeanBeany



Category: Sam & Max (Video Games)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Detectives, Gay, Parenthood, Unofficial Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeanBeanBeany/pseuds/BeanBeanBeany
Summary: A dumb lil Sam and Max fanfic taking place after the telltale games. Intended to last three chapters.After returning to normalcy after the events of Devils Playhouse, Sam and Max decide to get a bite to eat. On the moon for some asinine reason.
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Sam swung open the door, stepping into an office almost identical to the one that a year ago was zapped into another dimension. Max followed closely behind. Curiously taking in his surroundings.

Then, As if on cue, a nearby telephone sprung to life.

“I GOT IT!!” the two screamed as they scrambled towards the phone.

Sam clutched the phones receiver and swung open a nearby window with his free hand. Sticking the receiver out over the pavement below in a swift motion.

In a crazed rush, Max lunged out of the window, falling down towards the concrete below. Sam put the receiver to his ear as he watched the grizzly sight unfold.

“Hello?” “No.” Of course!” “I'll get right on it!”

“Mind telling me who I plummeted several stories onto some concrete for?” Max asked, walking through the front door of the office virtually unharmed.

“The Commissioner!” Sam slammed the receiver down “He was just checking in! Was nice of him to provide us with a new, eerily familiar office!”

“Ugh! It has NONE of the charm of the old one! Where are the chew marks?” Max replied, starting to loudly chew on the corner of his desk.

Sam walked across the room to a cradle with an incredibly tiny cockroach inside “And how's the little one doing?”

“Oh, uh huh?” Sam nodded in response to complete silence “Anything for my little sweetheart!”

“Say Max” Sam scratched his chin and turned away from the cradle “This is only the fifth urchin we've tried to raise into healthy adulthood. What do you suppose roaches eat?”

“I dunno Sam!” Max climbed up onto his small, max sized desk. “Assorted junk and garbage?”

Sam crossed his arms as he watched Max begin to jump up and down “Now Max, I can't feed Sam JR just ANYTHING!”

Max leaped off his desk and looked up at Sam “You feed me just about anything.”

“Sure, but you're considered a landfill in 5 states.”

Their conversation was cut short as the old CRT that rested on Sam's desk sprang to life with a burst of static.

An overly peppy newscaster screeched through the speakers "THIS IS THE BURGER THAT'S SETTING THE NATION(or the moon) ON FIRE!”

The screen cut to an image of the inside of a small Snuckey. A bored looking bald man on the other side of a till spoke into a microphone.

“So uh, this is the uh, Snuckey...on the moon...” the man quietly murmured “And we uh, have a great new burger...I guess...”

Sam forcefully poked his finger against the televisions off button “Well that's enough of that thinly disguised advertising.”

“Whew, thank god!” Max sat down on his small wooden stool “My small impressionable brain is especially susceptible to advertising.”

“It's a good thing my way more developed impulse control is here to guide you in the right direction, little buddy.”

“...”

“Anyway you wanna go grab some Moon burgers for us and the little one?”

“Sure do! I suddenly have a strange desire for one.”

The two quietly made their way out of the office and into the DeSoto. Within a minute they were already well on their way to the moon.

After a short walk across the moons rocky surface, the two entered the restaurant

“Gee... These places always seem more packed on television” Sam noted as they walked towards the till.

“Yeah...” Max looked around at the excessively empty restaurant as they made it to the front of the till “Musta all been paid actors or somethi-”

“Can I PLEASE get your orders?” the moustachioed man across the counter asked.

“Yeah hold yer horses buddy...we'll take the, uh...”

“Sir...we only have ONE burger here. Please take your SEATS”

Sitting down on a nearby table. Sam twiddled his thumbs and whistled a little song while he waited. While Max began ravenously chewing on a corner of the table.

“Say Max...where do you suppose we've seen an entirely bald, moustachioed man before?”

“I dunno Sam. I feel like we bump into a lot of those lately.” Max ceased his chomping for a mere second “Wasn't the convention for probable criminals with no hair and moustaches in town this week?”

“So it was!” Sam responded as he looked out of the window at the moons surface “Guess I just have an awful memory for these things”

Three minutes later, the moustachioed man returned, with three burgers on a big metal plate.

“Here are your meals sirs. Totally neurotoxin free. Just as you requested.”

“Thanks!” Sam licked his lips as he watched the platter get placed on the table “We didn't request that specifically, but that's always nice to hear.”

The two began to feast upon their meal, loud crunches echoing throughout the room.

“Say Sam, are burgers supposed to make you feel sorta...woozy?”

“Not normally, little buddy. Seems like someone might've snuck some sort of poison in-between the buns”

“Sam, I know you dislike pickles but I don't think they're quite that ba-”

The duo fell unconscious as their heads slammed into the table. Which wasn't even that uncommon of an expirence with takeout food for them.

When the two awoke, they were hanging upside down by ropes tied to their legs. Sitting in front of them was a man they were very, very familiar with.

“Leonard! You old scamp! How've you been!”

“How do you THINK I've been doing? Huh!” He screamed, slamming his fist down on the table “You INSULTED MY MOTHER, LEFT ME TO ROT IN THE CLOSET, SENT ME TO HELL, YOU RUINED ME MEETING A FORMER PRESIDENT AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNISE ME AT THE TILL!!”

“Hey c'mon Leonard! My ol peepers have been havin trouble adjustin'”

“Adjusting to what, Sam?”

“The way we view the world now, stupid!”

Sam put a paw over one of his eyes “Oh never mind. I actually just lost one of my contact lenses.”

“ENOUGH! OF! YOUR! RAMBLING!!” Leonard once again slammed his hand on the table “It's time for the UNOLNFBAASAM to enact its master plan!!”

“UNOLFBAA...what?” Max asked, trying to get his head close enough to the rope to chew on it.

“The United Nation Of Leonards Not For But Absolutely Against Sam And Max!”

“Wait...Leonard, PLURAL?” Sam asked.

The lights inside the room flickered to life, revealing what had to be at least 6 other Leonards standing in the room.


	2. Chapter 2

“Huh, my vision must be worse than I thought.” Sam rubbed his eyes.

“Saam!” Max wiggled around “You didn't tell me whatever your eyes have going on is infectious!”

“INCORRECT!” A robotic Leonard blooped “VISION STATUS OF DOG LIKE BEING: SERVICEABLE. LENORDSINROOMVAR EQUALS 6”

The Leonard that had greeted them rose from his chair, throwing his red cape over himself as he walked to leave the room. “YOU!” He bellowed, pointing at a nearby, extremely buff Leonard.

“Sup chief?” The buff one replied, stopping his push-ups

“Take these two...miscreants to their cell!”

The extremely buff Leonard saluted before clutching the duo in just one of his incredibly buff hands. In one swift motion he slammed them to the floor, knocking them unconscious instantly.

As sam woke up, the sensation of cold metal against his snout hit him like a frigid wind. He rose to his feet, attempting to shrug off the aches of sleeping on the floor as best as he could.

Rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the surroundings, he quickly realized yet another leonard was in the room with him. Tied to a chair.

“Well there's a face I've seen a little much of today, whatcha doin tied up, buddy?”

“HMMGH! HMGMGMHM!”

“Uh huh? Yeah? Alright? Alright give me a sec. Max always loves to do this bit ya see... Max!”

Max leapt to his feet, instantly awake “I was having a wonderful dream and yo- oh hi Leonard!”

“mmm! MMM!”

“Oh ALRIGHT!” Max responded, ripping the tape off of his mouth.

“Phew... hi guys!”

Sam threw his hands in his pockets “So, getting tied up so fun the first time you just had to do it again?”

“Well, you know how it is. Some days you feel like you're making progress. Some you relapse.”

“Oh I keep on having relapses too!” Max replied “Only for me its tying people up”

“A habit I wish you could kick, lil buddy” Sam rubbed Max's head “Can't say I'm fond of waking up tied to the ceiling fan.”

“So, what brings you to the moon this time of year?”

“Believe it or not, I was hired for my particular set of skills... Little did I know the man hiring me was a little more than I anticipated, in fact I guess you could say he...”

“Ugh! SHORTER VERSION!”

“The stuckeys CEO hired me to steal a particular sub sandwich back. Upon acquiring it, I made a fatal mistak-”

“SHORTER!”

“STEAL SANDWICH FOR CEO. CEO = ME FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!”

“Well that's TOO short...” Max crossed his arms “Can you go back to the beginning an-”

“I think I get the picture” Sam replied “Where did ya see this slightly more evil you last?”

“Probably at the moons core...working on...THAT...”

Lenord closed his eyes “It hurts to remember... That thing is an affront to everything tha-”

Leonard opened his eyes for a split second, quickly realizing that Sam and Max had vanished. Replaced with a giant hole in the floor.

“G-guys?”

“H-hello?”

After a ladder climb through a dark abyss that's far too boring to describe, the duo reached a metallic hatch. Upon swinging it open and pulling himself up, Sam was greeted by yet another familiar sight.

“Welcome boys...” the caped Leonard stroked his moustache “WE'VE been...expecting you.

“Dwarfs on pogo sticks going 40 miles per hour down the highway!” Max yelled as he finally made note of the stadium that surrounded him. Countless Leonards filling every single seat in the aisles.

Max, after a few rude gestures, turned his head away from the crowd, noticing the huge vortex like machine in the middle of the stage. The robotic leonard working on a small exposed panel to the side of it.

“Wow. Neat machine! I used to have one like that!”

“I'm glad you like it... I've gathered a collection of...like-minded individuals...from across space and time...ALL of them BENT ON YOUR DESTRUCTION after WHAT YOU SAID!”

“Yeah! After what we said!! uh...what did we say, Sam?”

“If my memory serves me well: various colourful insults regarding his mother.”

“Insults me and my comrades have NEVER FORGOTTEN!”

“Seems like someone needs to invest in therapy... Say, Sam...does Sybil do a group discount?”

“Ah, a generous offer indeed...but what happens next shall be way more cathartic than any therapy...”

The cyber leonard flipped a switch, the green vortex swirling faster and faster

“After searching through countless dimensions, we managed to find enough fragments of HER to rebuild her! Sam and Max! I'd like for you to MEET MY MOTHER”

The vortex vomited out a huge pile of scrap metal before entirely deactivating.

“Leonard you scamp!” Max poked at the pile of scrap “You didn't tell us your mother was various metal pieces!”

“No! Nonono! This is all wrong!” Leonard screamed, shoving max aside to get a good look at the scrap pile

“STATUS OF LEADER: FOOLISH” the robotic leonard beeped, pointing his arm blaster at his counterpart. “OBJECTIVE COMPLETE...”

the metal shook violently, floating up into the air and combining into a giant metal face.

“MASTER UNIT: M O T H E R RECOVERED!”


End file.
